My Fertility Story

Once you stop birth control you should automatically get pregnant….RIGHT???

Not in our case.

Bryce and I got married in August 2012. I had stopped birth control shortly after we had met. Shhhh……..

We knew we were going to get married and knew we wanted a big family as soon as possible.

Bryce and I were both slowly adding on the pounds. I was 260 pounds when we got married. Healthy habits weren’t really instilled in either of us. How important could health be to get pregnant? It came so naturally and easily to everyone else so it would happen to us too, right?

Our wedding rolls by…..year one rolls by……

Fertility Clinic #1 New Hope Fertility Center

In late 2013 we decided we to search for help. We lived in Virginia Beach at the time and decided to try the New Hope Fertility Center. I weighed roughly 280 pounds and honestly had no idea why we couldn’t get pregnant.

First up came the medications. We tried Clomid plus timed intercourse for a few months. I believe the doctor also had the weight talk with me. I was also started on weight loss pills.

After a few months, the testing began. Labwork was run. I had multiple ultrasounds done which revealed two benign fibroids. The final test was a hysteroscopy to flush out my tubes and make sure everything was working properly.

My tubes were open and clear. Zero blockages.

Every test was negative.

We couldn’t seem to find out why we weren’t getting pregnant.

There was only one answer: I was morbidly obese.

After trying every diet, that I knew of at the time, I assumed bariatric surgery was my next step.

My doctor whom I trusted told me my weight was the ONE thing preventing me from getting pregnant. I blindly trusted her.

Months later I was about to go back into the operating room for gastric sleeve surgery. As with any surgery, females of childbearing age take a pregnancy test.

Mine was positive.

I was 29 years old and 300 pounds. As much as I wanted a baby, I wasn’t happy. Maybe it was shock? I was sent home. The next 24 hours were a whirlwind of trying to find a doctor, have an ultrasound, and deal with more bloodwork.

The following day at work I miscarried. I was only four weeks along. I never had any symptoms, and the miscarriage was barely noticeable.

A small portion of me was grateful that I didn’t stay pregnant. I was over 300 pounds and was miserable. How could I possibly have a healthy pregnancy at that weight?

Two months later I successfully had bariatric surgery.

I dropped weight very quickly!

Fertility Center #2 The Jones Institute

Almost two years after our initial fertility intervention, we sought out a new clinic, The Jones Institute, in Norfolk Virginia.

More labs were drawn. More ultrasounds. We still didn’t have any answers.

I had lost 100 pounds. My husband had lost 60 pounds.

Why weren’t we pregnant yet?

The doctor had us do more medications plus timed intercourse. This involved blood work and ultrasounds to see how my body was responding.

Three months later and no positive pregnancy test, we decided to move on to the next step.

Intrauterine insemination, IUI. This is a medical procedure where the doctor collects a sperm sample and washes it. The poor-quality sperm are removed. The healthy sperm are then placed directly into the uterus with a catheter.

From spring 2017 to spring 2018 I went through six IUIs. The average cost of our IUIs EACH was $2500 including lab work, ultrasounds, and the procedure itself.

One of our IUIs did result in a positive HCG blood test. My numbers rose only once and then immediately plummeted within a few days.

So excited for our BIG fertility meeting in Norfolk, VA spring 2017

After so many failed rounds I switched doctors. My new doctor performed a hysteroscopy. A hysteroscopy is a procedure used to examine the inside of the womb using a narrow telescope with a light and camera at the end. She found two benign fibroids, which I had seen on ultrasounds, and removed some polyps.

Once again I had HOPE. I was told my tubes are clear, my uterus has been roto-rootered out, and we should be clear to get pregnant!

We moved to northern Virginia in May 2018. It was a fresh start! We found our dream home to rent and I started a less stressful job.

By summer 2019 we still weren’t pregnant.

IVF

I started researching IVF clinics in the area. The sale of our Chesapeake house didn’t go as planned so, financially, I didn’t want to spend tens of thousands of dollars on IVF.

Fertility Center #3 CNY Fertility

Through the IVF Facebook groups, I discovered CNY in New York. The clinic was only six hours away! I was also so excited that it was so affordable. IVF was “only” around $4,000 per IVF cycle compared to the $25,000 locally!

By September 2019 I had the IVF agreement signed and we were ready for prep! September 26th I had my first ultrasound for my egg retrieval. I started my meds the following day!

I was on the keto diet at this time which meant lower sugar and carbs. I do think that helped with my mental aspect through this. After so many years I had such high hopes for IVF.

After all, everyone is successful with IVF, right???

Every day I was administering multiple shots to myself. Bryce was freaked out by the needles, so this was all up to me! I was giving myself at least three shots and was taking multiple medications orally as well.

Routine lab work and ultrasounds were completed as well. I had to work around my hospital schedule. Thankfully there was an imaging center and lab draw attached to the hospital where I worked! I had to go in every other day for imaging and bloodwork.

On September 30th we were given the go ahead to do my trigger shot. On October 2nd in Albany, NY I had my first egg retrieval. I had five eggs retrieved.

Then the waiting game began. The next 24 hours are crucial as the eggs and sperm need to fertilize. We were blessed with four embryos! The next big wait is to see how many embryos make it to day three. We decided to not push our embryos out to day 5 since we only had four. We spoke with the doctor and agreed my embryos may be better off growing in me than a Petri dish.

On day three ALL FOUR of our embryos made it!!!!!!! Typically only 40-50% of the embryos will make it to day three. We got 100%.

I know that it’s quality over quantity so I forced myself to have hope.

We drove back home to northern Virginia where I anxiously awaited embryo transfer instructions.

On December 9, 2019 I started medications for my embryo transfer. Bryce and I had never been more excited! At that time I was taking four prescription pills plus supplements. On December 16th I started two suppositories and added progesterone in oils, PIO, shots. PIO is injected intramuscularly. It’s a multi step process of mixing vials and changing needles.

Bryce and I drove back to Albany, NY on Thursday December 19th. PIO must be injected at a certain time every day. We had to pull over on the side of the highway so that I could give myself the shot.

I arrived at the clinic the following morning at 8am for acupuncture. Acupuncture is popular prior to a transfer as it helps increase blood flow to the uterus. I also got an intralipids infusion after acupuncture but before the transfer.

Our transfer of our best embryo was at 9:30am! Bryce and I got to watch the embryo get placed. It was such a special moment!

We decided to make the most of our trip and celebrate being PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise. We stopped by New York City to experience their Christmas decor and shows.

I was instructed to keep up with the PIO and other medications. My lab work wasn’t ideal, so we upped my meds.

My birthday was spent with an IV injecting intralipids. “Intralipid is used for improving implantation in patients with high natural killer cell activity. Intralipid or lipid emulsion, is an intravenous infusion that aims to provide essential fatty acids that are necessary for women who have suffered repeat miscarriages.” I had also had an infusion right before my transfer.

On New Years Eve we had hoped to ring in the New Year with a positive pregnancy test. Instead I got negative bloodwork.

Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe what we felt.

Since we had three embryos left we decided to make plans to immediately begin the process once again. This time we were going to transfer two embryos at once!

On January 7th, 2020, the medications began again. The lab work was completed. The ultrasounds were done.

Months of medications, blood draw and ultrasounds was starting to wear on me.

I decided increase the amount of intralipids in order to help my body not reject the two embryos. I wanted to prepare my body and do all that I can to ensure implantation.

On January 22nd, 2020 we travel BACK to New York where we transferred two embryos. We were told this should increase our chances of bringing home at least one baby. Once again Bryce and I were full of hope. I kept quiet on social media about this transfer as I felt confident this transfer would work and I could share a surprising pregnancy announcement.

Valium is given before a transfer to relax the body.

February 3rd we got the phone call that my embabies didn’t stick.

I was at a complete loss.

I didn’t know what to do or where to go from there.

There was NOTHING wrong with Bryce or I from what I had been told.

Dr. Kiltz had advised at that time that I go on a carnivore diet. Being in cardiology I thought he was crazy to suggest an all-meat diet. At this point, I was getting desperate, so I thought, why not?

I started the carnivore diet in March/April 2020.

We had another follow-up phone call and were advised to look into a laparoscopy.

A laparoscopy is an exploratory procedure to check the organs in the belly and abdomen. My big question was “Do I have endometriosis?”

May 8th, 2020, I had my laparoscopy completed. I got to go home with 3 additional scars on my stomach. The doctor found stage one endometriosis and removed all of it.

Bryce and I were told that we had a great chance of getting pregnant naturally after the endometriosis was removed. We decided to do timed intercourse plus medications over the next two months.

After some work issues, I decided to take a new job in downtown DC at a level-one trauma hospital. It is a teaching hospital that didn’t require call!

LESS stress!!!!

I needed more answers as to why nothing was working. A friend of mine suggested an infertility specialist only two miles from my new hospital! I considered that a God wink.

I immediately scheduled a consult.

Fertility Center #4 Columbia Fertility Associates

December 10th, 2020 I had my first consult with Dr. Rafat Abbasi, a reproductive endocrinologist.

I had extensive bloodwork done. After years of questioning, we got a glimmer of hope with a diagnosis. I tested positive for antiphospholipid syndrome. This could be the reason behind my miscarriages!

On January 14th, 2021, I was started on a medication plus timed intercourse protocol. My new cocktail was Prednisone, Lovenox shots, and Prometrium. I was also started on about a dozen new supplements. I introduced A LOT into my body very quickly.

Bryce and I were so excited! We had so much confidence that the blood thinners would work now that I knew my diagnosis.

A week after starting the medications I had a setback, the first of many. I was scanning a patient at my hospital in downtown DC and I started to get shortness of breath. I looked down at my Apple Watch and saw my heart rate soared to 190 beats per minute. I alerted the on call cardiologist who knew me personally. Two minutes later my heart rate was well over 200bpm. A rapid was called and I was taken to the ER. After performing various maneuvers to get my heart rate down, I was given a shot of adenosine. My heart rate plummeted and I was released a few hours later.

More drugs, more side effects.

That’s what started coming to mind after this event.

However, my desire to be a mother outweighed those thoughts and I put all of my faith and trust into Dr. Abbasi.

Late April 2021 my husband took a new job that included some IVF coverage! I had been on medications plus timed intercourse for over three months at this point. Our next step was IVF.

Again.

Since Bryce’s new job covered a small portion, we wanted to start as soon as possible! The out-of-pocket costs still totaled thousands of dollars…..

August 2021 I started my medications for my egg retrieval. My egg retrieval was on August 20th just four days before our ninth wedding anniversary.

The egg retrieval resulted in 4 eggs retrieved. We got a miracle and all four eggs fertilized with the sperm! Unfortunately by day three two of the embryos had stopped growing. After what we had gone through with CNY, we decided to send our two remaining embryos to get genetic testing done. Both embryos, which were females, came back with severe abnormalities.
Just the genetic testing alone was $550.

I don’t mean to keep bringing up the money aspect but, unfortunately, it’s the harsh reality of IVF. Thousands and thousands of dollars are being spent and it’s all a gamble. You have no idea if the process will work. For us this so meant no baby but lots of debt.

In mid-September, Bryce and I decided to try for another egg retrieval. I had done a lot of research about increasing egg quality and decided to try Omnitrope. This drug helps women increase growth hormones naturally produced in their bodies. For ONE cycle it’s $1000 and not covered by insurance.

We also decided to increase some of the other retrieval meds. In my odd way of thinking, I thought my body may respond to more meds, not less.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

A week later we found out my body stopped responding to the drugs. My organs weren’t doing what they were supposed to.

Bryce and I decided to cancel the cycle.

IVF was done for us for the foreseeable future.

All of our dreams seemed to float away after I heard the news that my body wasn’t responding.

We still had a fridge full of medications that were now going to be wasted.

Almost three egg retrievals. Three embryos transfers. Our IVF journey which we were told would work, had come to an end.

My Natural Fertility Journey

The next day I was on a plane to the Health Freedom for Humanity symposium. There I found a passion for healing my body naturally! I had been praying hard about all of the fertility drugs I had been putting in my body for almost the past decade. Deep down I knew they were doing more harm than good.

Homeopathy for Fertility

I met a lot of people in the health freedom space including Eyla Cuenca, a holistic birth coach. In the spring of 2022, I reached out to her after she discussed fertility. She referred me to her mother, Carola Cuenca who is a homeopathic practitioner. She’s helped many women who had failed rounds of IVF get pregnant naturally.

I had hope again!

She has an office in California and Miami Florida. Only July 1st, 2022, I flew down to Miami for 24 hours to have my initial appointment with her. The first appointment was three hours long and included a thermography scan. Based on the scan I was given various tinctures to support the organs that were shown to be damaged.

I came home with multiple pages of notes of things I needed to change which I addressed on my blog. I also came home with five tinctures and almost a dozen supplements. I spent thousands of dollars detoxifying my body and house. I was also told to eat according to my blood type. Thankfully that meant a lot of beef!

Over the next two months, the only change I noticed from the tinctures and supplements was my resting heart rate had gone down. Other than that, my stress was going up due to all of the changes I felt like I HAD to make to get pregnant.

In September 2022 I quit my high-stress management job and became a contractor. I could make my own hours and work for multiple practices.

A coworker at the time overheard me discussing my fertility troubles. She offered vaginal steaming at her home which is known to help with fertility. I decided to start yoni steaming once a week for stress and fertility.

Seeking Health in West Virginia

A friend of mine told me about a like-minded chiropractor in West Virginia. I thought she could help me with stress. I decided to take every Tuesday off and make the two-hour drive (each way) to see her for an adjustment. She also told me about an acupuncturist who practiced only ten minutes from her! Acupuncture helps you get pregnant by regulating reproductive hormones, improving blood flow and egg quality, and reducing stress. Tuesdays became my West Virginia days. I would leave the house at 5am, arrive at 7am, have my hour-long acupuncture appointment, and then see the chiropractor at 8:30am for an adjustment and a long infrared sauna session.

In October I added another stop to my appointment day in Winchester, VA to see a trauma therapist. I’ve heard our organs can hold trauma, which I know I have plenty of. My chiropractor suggested a trauma therapist to help me release the past so I can move on with a healthy pregnancy in the future.

I hiked the blue ridge mountains on my way home from my WV appointments.

In January 2023 I had spent thousands of dollars, once again, but this time on holistic treatment. I had traveled to West Virginia every Tuesday on my one day off for hours of appointments.

I was tired.

I was stressed.

I was in MORE debt.

January 1st, 2023, I quit it all.

Bryce and I had gotten back to indulging in alcohol, more than we should. I wasn’t sleeping and I was miserable. Both of us agreed to go dry for the first time in our relationship. We decided to give it a try for 6 months. I also decided to go STRICT carnivore.

April 1st, we bought a travel trailer to escape the northern VA/DC area and relieve stress. We picked up the trailer from Tennessee.

Little did I know there was three of us in the picture of us buying our trailer.

April 3rd, at 4am, I took a pregnancy test.

WE WERE PREGNANT!!!!!!

It was the most magical moment of our lives.

Two days later, at 5 weeks, I miscarried.

All I could focus on was that it was possible! I conceived!

I was back to doing acupuncture which I canceled after a few weeks.

Now what? How can I prevent a miscarriage going forward?

After the miscarriage, I wanted more data so I researched at-home hormone monitors and settled on the Inito. The Inito monitors Estrogen, LH, PdG, and FSH. I start testing on cycle day 6 and then end after ovulation is confirmed.

I attended Ketocon in late April. There I met Judy Cho. Judy owns a meat-based nutrition practice. She invited me to be on her podcast to discuss COVID-19, carnivore, and fertility.

After the podcast, she suggested I work with someone on her team. I met with Cheryl in August 2023. After extensive labwork was completed, I was started on over a dozen supplements. I wanted to go all in so I also started the Lion Diet, which is the ultimate elimination diet that consists of beef, butter, and salt.

A month in with the supplements and lion diet, I noticed that my hormones on my Inito had improved!

Part of my bloodwork tested positive for mold toxicity or CIRS, chronic inflammatory response syndrome. Cheryl advised that I get started on treatment right away. I was told that the biotoxins from the mold could have caused my miscarriages.

I had my first appointment with Dr. Allen Gruning in October. I was given another laundry list of things I needed to change in my home. I decided to not make many drastic changes as I had in 2022, but I did buy a HEPA vacuum called Miele. That was a $500 investment that I was told would make a huge difference with the bacteria in my house.

On November 2nd I started a medication to treat my CIRS, Cholestyramine. I was advised to start slow and work up to the full dosage. I was also started on additional supplements.

I swapped my beloved coffee for mold-free, toxin-free organic coffee by Purity.

The Cholestyramine side effects started immediately. Since working with Cheryl, we had gotten my bowels working again. Once starting the binders, I became severely constipated. I had severe brain fog. My appetite went away. I was finally losing weight, but I wasn’t able to eat enough. My depression came back.

I went through the holidays in a daze and was completely miserable.

January 1st, I decided to stop ALL treatment and give it to God.

I was sick.

I was stressed.

I was in MORE debt.

I was ready to give up.

I threw myself into work. I picked up extra shifts to pay off the thousands of dollars I had spent on CIRS treatment and the nutritionist.

That backfired.

I paid off the debt from the fall and winter but my sleep and mental health suffered.

I’m finally realizing that this all may be hormone-related. Did the trauma start when I started taking call at the hospital in 2011? I know that covid took a toll on my adrenals but not being able to get pregnant goes back to 2011, not 2020.

Another Rabbit Hole- Mercury Fillings

In October 2023 I went to the Weston A Price Foundation conference. I met Dr. Blanche Grube who is a biological dentist and was once the president of The International Academy of Biological Dentristry and Medicine. She gave a very compelling talk on mercury fillings and their toxicity. Apparently the mercury in amalgam fillings can cause detrimental health concerns including infertility. Lo and behold I had a mouth filled with silver fillings.

In March I started the process to get my amalgam fillings removed by a local biological dentist. I couldn’t believe my luck but one of the top biological dentists dealing with mercury was located near me!

“Dr. Fischer is recognized as the first dentist invited to serve as an expert witness before Congress in 2002, 2004, and 2008, where he testified on potential health and environmental risks associated with the use of mercury in dental fillings.”

Biological dentists don’t take insurance so all of my procedures were out of pocket. It took four visits to Dr. Fischer to have all of my amalgam fillings removed. I was on a detox protocol throughout the process so I did not get sick from having the heavy metals removed.

Where Am I Today in My Fertility Journey?

I’m eliminating as much stress as possible. I was getting my hair colored every 5-6 weeks which was costly, time-consuming, and stressful. I decided to give my natural color a try and went back to being a brunette in November for the first time in over 20 years. I was getting my lash extensions filled every two weeks which was also costly and time-consuming. I took those off in early February for the first time in 5 years. I’m going as toxin and stress-free as possible! I don’t care for my natural look but I’m praying I’ll get used to it and love me for me in all of my natural glory.

I’m cutting back with work to two to three days a week. I’m focusing on destressing and fixing my adrenals, which controls our sex hormones. I’m reading the book “It Starts With the Egg” and am taking the supplements suggested to increase egg quality.

I’m starting to interview holistic-leaning fertility experts, including one that deals with low AMH (decreased egg quality).

A patient of mine told me about a pro-life/Catholic ob/gyn located about 45 minutes away from me. They follow the NaPro technology which treats the root cause of infertility issues rather than masking the symptoms. My patient told me a lot of her friends had success with this practice after years of infertility. I will be scheduling an appointment for this fall, but it’s still Western medicine and I’m very apprehensive about seeing them.

Two Losses in Two Weeks

We lost our youngest fur baby tragically on Monday August 5th. Bryce and I are devastated by this loss as he was only 8 years old and was the happiest kitty in our clan.

Unexpectedly this past week we miraculously got pregnant again. We thought that God had taken Barley from us and had given us our rainbow baby.

I had cramps at ten days post ovulation which is a VERY good sign. I continued to have slight tugging for the next week. That’s a great sign that the embryo is burrowing into the uterus. I finally took a pregnancy test three days after my missed cycle.

Bryce and I were cautiously optimistic. Bryce ordered some Liberty University onesies as he just graduated from there with his doctorate two weeks ago. He also bought some WVU muslin blankets.

Just like 16 months prior, we got to be in heaven dreaming about our future baby for two whole days.

Yesterday, Friday August 16th, eight days before our twelfth wedding anniversary, I lost our baby. Somehow I managed to see fifteen patients and worked through my miscarriage.

I ate my feelings last night and grieved. Today I’ve chosen to not give into depression but rather focus on the future with hope and positivity. We CAN get pregnant and we WILL figure out how to stay pregnant.

Maybe We Are Looking at the Wrong Person

Bryce had his sperm tested in 2014. His numbers weren’t good. We attributed the results to poor lifestyle. He immediately got on Clomid. His numbers improved! I don’t recall the exact time frame but he stopped taking the medication within a few months.

Throughout our fertility treatment Bryce’s sperm was tested. His numbers were never good. For some reason this was never addressed. We were told that it didn’t matter with IUIs or IVF because they chose the best sperm.

How is an embryo supposed to grow if the sperm are poor quality?

They don’t.

This is the issue we ran into time and time again.

Early miscarriages are due to poor sperm quality. Read about that here. We’ve been focusing on my health for the past three years and haven’t been concerned about Bryce. Thankfullly he eats a pretty clean meat based diet with me and lifts weights on a regular basis.

Everything clicked with me about six months ago.

What if this isn’t all my fault?

Bryce finally agreed to a semen analysis and got the results three weeks ago.

I was devastated by the news of how poor his count, morphology and quality are. But this means we have answers and there’s a solution!!!!!!

Alcohol will be cut down to once a week for him. Alcohol is a neurotoxin and can have a HUGE impact on sperm. He’s back on clomid and sperm quality supplements. Sperm take three months to rejuvenate.

Please know I’m not here to place blame on either of us! It takes TWO to tango. But so many times the husband is not looked at. I’m just so grateful God opened my eyes early enough to what we need to address.

Our Longest Pregnancy to Date

I’ve been working with a hormone health coach since August 2024, right after our miscarriage. Emily started me on oral progesterone during certain times during my cycle. After finding out Bryce’s sperm were a concern, Emily started him on enclomiphene and I started him on fertility supplements.

November 8th I noticed I should have started my cycle and I needed to stop progesterone. I took a pregnancy test so I could stop the pills.

I was pregnant.

Again.

Exactly three months after Bryce had started his meds for his sperm quality, quantity and motility.

It takes 3 months for sperm to rejuvenate. We got pregnant in California during our two week Pacific Northwest trip.

I was 4 weeks 1 day when I tested. I expected to miscarry any day.

But I didn’t.

My very close friends knew of my pregnancy and prayer with me daily. I leaned on them heavily for support and positivity. Without them I would have gone mad with anxiety.

At 5 weeks I got my blood work done. My first beta was 2520. I was officially pregnant! I retested 5 days later and it was 11,019! My numbers were more than doubling! From what we understood this meant that the pregnancy was viable and was progressing normally. I spoke to Dr. Kiltz about what more I could be doing with my prior diagnosis of APS and history of miscarriages. He put me on 30mg of Lovenox, blood thinners, once a day. That meant I gave myself a shot in the belly once a day. Emily also put in a script for vaginal progesterone. Around 6 weeks pregnant I found an OB gyn at Inova. I was terrified at this point and wanted to verify I was doing everything I could. I didn’t have an appetite, I had cramps off and on, I was BEYOND moody. Poor Bryce.

At the appointment the doctor verified I was doing everything I could and that she would see me in two weeks for a transvaginal ultrasound. I had also had another beta drawn prior to that appointment which came back at over 30,000 which I received while at the doctor’s office.

Bryce and I left for North Carolina for a camping trip to stay near his parents for Thanksgiving. I was 6.5 weeks pregnant. We bought baby clothes while on the trip, took pregnancy announcement pictures with the camper and told his parents about our pregnancy. I was finally allowing myself to believe I was pregnant and that this was finally our time to become parents.

A week later I went in for my 8 week ultrasound. There was a sac and remnants of what we thought could have been a baby. As the doctor pulled the probe out she said how sorry she was. She said it was time for me to give up on my body and to consider other options such as adoption. She scheduled me for another ultrasound to verify the loss in two weeks.

I left the office knowing we had lost our baby. I knew deep down. Bryce had hope knowing that I had a tilted uterus and refused to give up.

I spiraled downward into a deep depression. The next day I baked all of the Christmas cookies I could and binge ate every one of them over the next month.

Two weeks later our ultrasound confirmed our worst nightmare. I wasn’t pregnant. My bloodwork had lied to me and had given me false hope. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum. The doctor scoffed at me when I told her I would continue to heal my body as this was a sign from God things were moving in the right direction. The doctor gave me the option to have a D and C, take a miscarriage pill or attempt to wait to pass naturally. Because I was so far along I chose to take the pill. I know when I was off work and I could prepare mentally and physically for the trauma.

Bryce thought is was safest to cancel our Christmas/birthday camping trip to Gatlinburg just in case something went wrong. He had envisioned me bleeding out while camping. Instead, he planned a two night stay in NYC to celebrate my birthday. I was grateful as I knew NYC isn’t typically full of children and I wouldn’t have to deal with many triggers.

I chose December 22nd to miscarry. I took the pills the night before. The next day I miscarried. At the time I didn’t know it was only a partial miscarriage. I continued to miscarry the entire week, even on Christmas, with a second round happening on December 26th. 12/27 we drove to NYC. While on the cruise ship after seeing the Statue of Liberty I suddenly had SEVERE abdominal pain that caused me to be unable to walk. I blacked out. I couldn’t leave the cruise ship and Bryce had to get the EMTs. After a dose of painkillers and quite some time later, I was able to leave the ship.

Thankfully that was the end of the physical nightmare.

My severe depression turned into suicidal thoughts. Bryce had received bad news during this time as well. We’ve never both been down in our marriage when neither of us could lift the other up.

A couple of weeks later my oldest furbaby died in my arms. She was 21 and had lived a very long and wonderful life but I was NOT ready to say goodbye so soon especially after so many deaths. 4 losses in 5 months.

Monday January 27th I decided that it was time to continue with my life. God has me here for a reason and has given me the strength to continue. I started back to my meat based diet. Despite the sweets, to this day, February 7th, I’ve managed to lose 24 pounds since November 6th. I’m utlizing diet and some other tools to reach my goals which I’m praying will result in a full term pregnancy.

Emily started me on low dose naltrexone which regulates the immune system (perfect for my autoimmune conditions), reduces inflammation and regulates hormones. I also invested in the best egg quality supplements money could buy. We haven’t lifted weights since our miscarriage in August. I put the gym back together recently and I’ll start lifting again. I’ve cut back with work and will do everything in my power to reduce stress this year. I met with my pastor yesterday to discuss grief and he gave me a path forward. He reminded me who I am and how God has the perfect plan for me.

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

I’m currently. I’m in better shape and health than I was in my 20’s. Most people who interrogate me about kids do say I’m still young and have plenty of time. I’m not getting any younger, but I do believe I still have time. I believe stress is at the root of my issues and addressing that is my main priority.

Now that we are aware of Bryce’s isssue we can address that and move forward!

Thank you to all of you who have been so supportive of my journey and have told me to never give up. I wouldn’t be where I am today without your support!